I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
