I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
