wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
