my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
