She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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