A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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