Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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