grandma shit on top of the toilet
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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