I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize