you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
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Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
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You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
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