Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
