I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
