dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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