dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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