My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
