508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
why do cheetos always look like penises
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
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