My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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