i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
that's an acceptable place to lick
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
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