I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
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