I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
