I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
