Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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