my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
