she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
