I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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