apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
