I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
