i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
