After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
