Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
The uberlube is also flammable
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
