the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
