Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize