Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
This couple is walking their pig around campus
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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