Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
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