dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
