Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
