drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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