On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
