seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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