it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
