tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
