dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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