Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
