it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Is this like a preordered booty call?
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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