I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
