If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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