he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
