he told me I talked like a deaf person
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
