If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize