I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Randomize
