I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
