My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
