btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
