i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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