Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
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