I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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