Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I am midnight drunk by noon
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
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oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
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I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
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