Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
