Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
