I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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