What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Dignity is for republicans.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Randomize
