yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Randomize
