Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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