Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
