I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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