Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
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