This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
